Brutal + Beautiful = Brutiful
I hope you have developed the sense that I’m sincerely focused on authentic and honest exchanges. If not, I’ll keep working on my communication, but if I have successfully shared that with you, you won’t be surprised about what I’m about to write today.
This month was tough.
I was on the struggle bus pretty much the whole of July.
I don’t want to make a list of all of the things that made it feel like a bit of a low-budget carnival at times, but I’ll highlight a couple of things:
- Some of my brain-leveling chemicals stopped working for a few weeks.
- I experienced some major “bait and switch” from partners who had promised support as I moved deeper into this entrepreneur/self-employment space.
- I had a couple of major events scheduled that I needed to cancel due to low enrollment, which impacted my revenue, but more importantly, it started the “insecurity sequence” in my brain and body, providing a delightful derailing (it was delightful for the derailing, not for me).
- I worked on a super cool, amazing launch and then had a major tech failure that triggered a couple of those same things above.
There were more heavy/hard/painful things, but I actually don’t think overwhelming my dear readers like you is thoughtful, so I’m going to put those in a little box entitled “that’s a whole lot,” and we’ll just let me unpack that with a professional, okay? Okay.
But if you are feeling a little bit of weight for me, I want to assure you – I am/going to be okay.
More than okay, actually.
I don’t know if this is just the season of my life or if I’m getting caught up on my personal development or what, but I feel like I’m in this consistent state of refinement and distillation.
I chose those two words because both involve the process of changing state, and boy, howdy, does that resonate with me.
Because it is: (a) a process, (b) kinda painful, (c) helping me to become more and more who I am meant to be. At least I believe those things to be true.
I was recently sharing with someone that looking back over the last 18 months I see that I have been adjusting my environment and engagements on a pretty regular basis. I’m not sure what it looks like from the inside, but let me tell ya, it’s not less confusing from this side angle.
There have been these moments that I hope I get to keep having, where I can almost feel that things are going to “click” together and all of these systems will be unburdened enough to function freely.
More than that, I have had the distinct pleasure of looking several people in the eyes and helping them to experience a different view of themselves after I heard them utter a phrase that demeaned or dehumanized their own person.
The moment of being able to say to someone, “you are not _____, you are just a human.” Or “…you are good.” Or “…you are allowed to take up space” – that’s a moment that cannot (nor should) be measured by a business metric. You keep your KPIs out of it, my business friends, because as I encounter people at trainings, online, or even in social media exchanges, I witness that we humans are hurting.
The disconnect. The miscommunication. The lack of compassion. The missing empathy. The busyness that takes humanity out of business. The messages of not enough. The messages of too much. The denial of harm. The dismissal of experiences.
All of these things…
- They are not life-giving.
- They are destructive.
- They do not bring wholeness.
- They are not healing.
- They don’t hold hope.
- They are not holy.
So even as I’ve been in this space where my own experiences of those hurts have had an impact on my heart, mind, body, and soul, not to mention my engagement and production, I need to bear witness to the deep pain I am seeing in the faces and eyes of the people I encounter.
I am grateful for the privilege of not only finding healing and hope in my story and circumstances but also for the opportunity to share that hope with others. As I continue to anchor into the truth of who I am AND who I am meant to be, I can use that foundation to hold my hand out to others who have been in-process and are looking for someone to reflect the truth that they are precious and worthy.
If you are in this space, I want you to know that you are not alone.
If you know that someone is in this space, can you please tell them they are important and worthy of your time – and then SHOW them?
If you need some hope, direction, or are ready to connect with others on the same journey, I have some things I’m happy to share with you – just let me know (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Also, if you were one of the people who was waiting for that launch and you are wondering where the heck it went, I ask that you don’t give up on me in this season – I’m hopeful that this will be “failing forward” instead of “falling away.”