I need you to hear me.
I enjoyed the columns of welcoming greeters who were laughing, smiling, offering high-fives, and yelling, “Hello! We’re glad you are here!”
To my child, columns of strangers were making loud noises, forcing physical contact, and laughing at a joke she didn’t get.
I need you to hear me.
I enjoyed the loud music playing in the lobby and outside on the speakers – it was upbeat and positive.
To my child, it was incongruous with her normal emotional and mental state – the volume was overwhelming and she felt left out because her history won’t let her feel positive emotions safely, as they are fleeting for her and often lead to deep despair.
I need you to hear me.
I’ve done lots of work to be able to address my anxiety in new places around new people, so I am comfortable entering conversations and joking with strangers and when volunteers start talking to me about the pastries in the lobby, it’s okay for me.
To my child, she has been hurt by both strangers and those who are familiar, so everyone she encounters is a potential threat and an unknown volunteer has not earned the relational equity to try and cajole a response from her when she is in the midst of a flight or freeze response.
I need you to hear me.
I’m excited to meet new people and be welcomed into spaces, so the approach of staff and volunteers as I am in my seat to offer a personal hello feels warm and inviting to me.
To my child, because of her history, the soundtrack that plays in her head is way more sinister and suspenseful – by the time she made it to her seat and discovered that there was no place to run or hide, her body was compelled to revert to a protective posture and she closed in on herself.
I need you to hear me.
I am not saying that you did something wrong in creating an upbeat, positive, welcoming, and celebratory space.
But please know that if your community, event, gathering, or space doesn’t realize that the majority of people have experienced adversity that has changed the wiring of their brain and make intentional opportunities and accommodations for those who don’t have a baseline that starts in safety, then you are communicating that “those people” don’t belong.
I need you to hear me.
I think you are doing a great job.
For my child, please make space for those who don’t have the privilege of waking up in a place of hope.
I need you to hear me.