A boundary is yours. An expectation is a request.
An expectation is something we place on someone else. It's really a request: we ask, and we hope they'll say yes. A boundary is ours. It's how we protect our sanity, our safety, and our capacity, whether or not anyone else changes.
Most of us have spent a lot of energy on the first one: asking, hinting, and waiting for a yes. We've spent much less on the second.
So this month is Holding What Is Mine. Holding, because it's something you actively do. Mine, because that's where the boundary is. These two hours are for practicing it, gently and with company.
What we'll actually do
Four sessions, thirty minutes each, one for every part of you.
1 · Boundaries vs Requests
Heart · teaching and movement
For when you keep asking people to change, and you're worn out when they don't.
What is actually mine to decide here?
We'll sort out the difference between a boundary (what I will or won't do) and a request (what I'm asking of someone else), and then feel it in your body: one simple gesture for this is mine, and an open palm for this is yours to answer. Then you'll write one of each about a real situation on an index card and try saying them, out loud or silently.
You leave with: one boundary sentence and one request sentence you can actually use.
2 · Collecting Evidence for Self-Trust
Mind · guided journaling
For when you set a limit, then talk yourself out of it.
Can I trust myself to hold this?
Self-trust isn't a trait you either have or don't. It's a relationship, built over time. You'll gather specific moments when you honored your own needs, kept a promise to yourself, or told the truth when it was hard, and then gather the strongest ones onto a small evidence card.
You leave with: a pocket-sized evidence card for the next time doubt shows up.
3 · Arrive, Anchor, Stay
Body · breath and grounding
For when someone's upset and you're fixing it before you've even decided to.
Can I stay in my own space while someone else has a feeling?
Arrive by noticing what your body is doing right now. Anchor with your feet on the floor, a steady object in your hand, and a slower breath. Then stay: practice remaining in your own space while someone else's feeling is nearby, without reaching to fix it. It's all seated and gentle, and every step can be done smaller or skipped.
You leave with: a three-step reset you can use in the moment, wherever you are.
4 · Caterpillar, Chrysalis, Butterfly
Soul · line drawing and reflection
For when you're changing how you show up, and it feels like you're doing it wrong.
What if the in-between is supposed to feel like this?
On a simple line drawing, you'll write what's true right now around the caterpillar and what you're growing toward around the butterfly. In the chrysalis, you'll name what the in-between actually feels like. Then you'll choose one gentle next step that bridges the two.
You leave with: a picture of your own change, and permission for the middle to be messy.
How the day works
Everything happens on Saturday, October 24. The same four sessions run twice, and you only need one block:
Morning block9:00–11:00 a.m. Pacific
Evening block7:00–9:00 p.m. Pacific
Please choose a block when you register, so I know roughly who to expect. If your day turns out differently, please come to the other one instead. Nobody is checking!
It's free, there's no ticket, and it's on Zoom. Your camera is optional, and you're welcome to keep it off the whole time.
What to have nearby
- An index card (or a scrap of paper) and a pen
- A small object that feels steady in your hand, like a mug, a smooth stone, or a candle
- A comfortable chair
- Two printables, an evidence card and the caterpillar drawing, which I'll email on Friday, October 23. Printing is optional, and plain paper works for both.
Nothing here needs buying. If it takes more than two minutes to gather, please skip it and come anyway.
Who this is for
For anyone who is the one everyone calls: caregivers, helping professionals, parents, and the person in the family who notices first and handles it before anyone asks.
You don't need to be at the end of your rope for this to be worth two hours. Early is better, and that's rather the point.
